Love, Matt

One of the only benefits of my mom going through her battle the last few months was that our family had plenty of time to prepare and discuss things like her funeral.  When she told me a few weeks ago she wanted me to speak, on one hand I was honored while on the other I knew I would have a hard time getting through it. So while I am honored to be here today, I’m also a cry baby so you’ll have to bear with me.

My mom and I have always had a great relationship. Regardless of dumb things I’ve said or done growing up, I’ve always felt an unconditional love from her that I’ve tried try to pass on and make a constant with my kids.  I’ve always loved her for that.

One of the unique aspects to our relationship has been our love of sports.   Those of you that know me know I love many different sports, but two of my favorites are Golf and all University of Utah sports.  Both my mom and I attended The University of Utah and love golf, and she had the same passion for these as I do.

I think I first realized her athletic ability when I was in Jr. High.  It was toward the end of summer break and I was out of school.  I was lying around the house one day and didn’t have anyone to play with.  I think my friends were out of town or something.  Anyway, I was really bugging my mom since I had nothing to do.  She kept telling me to “go do something, go outside or go find something to do” I told her there was nothing to do and I was bored etc.  This went on for a while and finally she said, “If you’re just going to sit around, why don’t you go get a job”.  Before I could even think of what I was saying, I replied,” why don’t YOU get a job”.  As soon as I said it and saw her response I knew it wasn’t a very smart thing to say.  She jumped up faster than I had ever seen her move and started calling me a little a (something I can’t say in church). I’d never seen that kind of athletic ability in her.   She grabbed an empty two litter bottle on the kitchen counter and started after me. I was really surprised how fast she could move, I was pretty fast and took off into the garage and outside.  Luckily once I got outside she stopped chasing me and simply told me I couldn’t come home until after I talked to my dad.

She and I loved to talk about and watch golf.  I play golf with my dad all the time, but my mom was the person who signed me up for my first golf lessons when I was young boy and the one who would drop me off and pick me back up from those lessons.  She was a very good golfer herself and loved to play when she could.  From the time I was 8 or so, I always remember Sunday afternoons we would watch professional golf on TV and root for and talk about who our favorite players were or are.   For the last several years, she would invite us over to watch the final round big golf tournaments like the Masters and US Open.

When I was in high school, I saved up my money and bought a brand new very nice sand wedge.  It took me a long time to earn enough money to buy it and I would play around the house with it all the time.  Chipping balls in the back yard, and swing it in our big family room.  The family room had really high ceilings so it was easy to swing a club in there.  One day I was sitting in the family room swinging in back and forth and my mom came in from the other room and saw me.  She didn’t get mad at me, but she said that if I broke anything in the house I was buying her a replacement.  Well, there was a glass top coffee table in the room pretty close to where I was swinging the club and no less than 5 min later, I took a swing and shattered the coffee table.  It was really loud and I knew instantly that she heard it break from upstairs.   I was really worried about my mom’s reaction and the damage I’d done to my wedge; I knew she wasn’t going to be happy when she came into the room.  I was surprised when she waked in and didn’t get very mad.  She looked at me like I wasn’t very smart and simply told me to start saving my money.  Secretly I think she wasn’t too mad because another passion she had was buying new furniture and she knew she now had a good reason to buy a new coffee table   In any event, I saved up and replaced the glass I broke.  It took me a few months but the new glass was just like the old one.  She eventually did by a new coffee table and gave me the glass one I had replaced. I kept it in their basement storage room for a few years and then when I bought my house, it was the first coffee table Michelle and I had and we used it for many years. 

In recent years she would text message me all the time when she heard something about golf or what was going on with Phil Mickleson or any of her other favorite players.  Anything and everything sports she was interested in.

Another sports passion she had was for all University of Utah sports.  She is what I would refer to as a FANATIC when it came to Utah sports.  She would text me when she heard something on the news, sports talk radio, newspaper etc. about a Utah player coach or a recruit, you name it.  She would get so anxious and nervous during games sometimes that she couldn’t watch if it was on TV.  She would record it and then find out if they won or not and go back and watch if they did win.  If they lost she would delete it and never watch it again.  It’s a habit I picked up from her and do myself from time to time.

We went to and watched many, many games together.   We would yell and scream, if there was a referee call that went against the Utes, it was a terrible call according to my mom regardless of the situation.  The last football game I went to her with as the Utah vs. Stanford game this year.  At one point during the game, there was a questionable referee call and the entire crowd started booing.  We all started booing too, and mom immediately stood up and was screaming at the ref.  She was screaming so loud I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there.  I looked at her and said, MOM, you have got to settle down.  The guys behind us told her they loved it and she should keep doing it.  A few weeks ago I told her every time I’m at a game and see someone going nuts in the stands I was going to remember that story and think of her.   

She really loved football, basketball, everything University of Utah.  One real benefit of that for me was the gear.  She was always buying Utah sweat shirts, stickers, license plate covers, you name it.  If it had a Utah logo on it, she was interested.  The benefit for me was often times I would be at work and get a text from her with a picture of a Utah hoody she saw at the store.  She would ask me if I liked it and when I said I did, she would say “ok, come over and pick it up when you can”  I must have about 20 Utah tee shirts and sweatshirts my mom bought for me.   The combination of her love for shopping and Utah sports was a dangerous combination.  

With all of her love for sports, I think the greatest fight I’ve seen in her play was with her recent battle with Cancer.  She fought it with everything she had and it was too powerful in the end.  I’ll always remember the grace and dignity and strength she had in her battle and throughout her life.

I miss and will miss her tremendously but find comfort knowing I’ll see her again someday.  Also knowing that she’ll be right there with me the next time I’m screaming at a football game or watching the Masters.  I love and miss you Mom, forever and always. 

Love, Amanda

I have a small poem I’d like to quickly read that helps describe what my family and I have felt these few short months.

"When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was, the underside. I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand.

She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for a while, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view.

A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come and sit on my knee."

This I did, only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset.  I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top.  It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and wondered, "Father, what art Thou doing? My life looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

He knows perfectly what is needed in our lives to make us obedient to Him and to trust Him with our lives and one day it will all be perfect and we will see the “why’s”."

 

I have had a really hard time preparing for this talk. I just didn’t know how to take all that this amazing woman means in me and condense it in a five minute talk. I pray and hope that as I share this with you, you may have a glimpse of all that my mom meant to me. My mom was my greatest cheerleader. She was my advocate and my confidant. My battles were her battles and my greatest joys were her joys. My mom was my best friend. There was not a day that went by where we didn’t talk. As a young mother with three small children life can become pretty secluded to home, laundry, and cartoons.  My mom was my “out” so to speak. We had a daily morning phone call where I could tell her and she would patiently and enthusiastically listen to the little day to day dealings with my children. Thinking back on it I think how kind she was to make me feel that all those little things about my life were important and exciting to her. She gave me confidence as a mother. Our conversations were filled with the every day to day basics, a little gossip, and maybe some talk about what some movie stars were up to. I loved being with her. My mom had the amazing quality of making me feel safe. I am a very anxious person and my mom understood that about me. She was always there gently urging me, and calming me down when life would get really overwhelming.

Anyone who knows my mom knows she loves to run errands and she loves to shop. Walmart was her favorite. If it was the middle of the day and my mom was not home my dad’s usual answer was always “I don’t know where she is, probably at Walmart!” I would often get a call telling me to meet her for lunch and a quick run to Walmart. Her purchases always included some new household gadget and a toy or a treat for the grandkids.

My mom taught me how to be a true friend. I would always say to her “mom you must be pretty cool if your daughter and son-in-law would rather hang out with you and dad on a Friday night then go out with friends!” She was fun to be around. She had lust for life and was passionate about almost every subject. She loved her ladies groups. Her weekly lunch dates with her girlfriends were a major priority in her life.  And she was friends with so many different groups too. She truly enjoyed her friendships.

My mom adored my children. She would tell me to bring my babies up to see her so she could squeeze them. Funny enough I always thought that my mom loved my kids the most. But after listening to my sibling’s throughout this process my mom was amazing at making all the kids feel like her favorite. It was like wait a minute, I’m her favorite! My mom’s greatest joy was her family. She loved all of the family dinners, swimming at Willowcreek, Ute games, sport and dance recitals, and weekends in Midway just to name a few. I hope each and every grandkid will remember how special they were to their grandma, and I hope they will all teach Henry, Annabelle, Charlotte, and Jonathan what an incredible grandma she was.

When my mom was first diagnosed with leukemia I remember going to see her in the hospital and begging her not to leave me. I made her promise to do whatever it took for her to beat this. I could not imagine my life without her. She promised she would fight, but told me she was not afraid to die. Those four weeks in the hospital were horrible and traumatic on so many levels. I remember my family members and I thinking it couldn’t possibly get worse, and it did. It was like walking through hell, slowly, for lack of a better term. The sleepless nights, the side effects to the chemo, the helplessness as we watched on. And as awful as it was she was amazingly strong, she never complained, she was so BRAVE. At the end when we heard that her bone marrow was not clean I was consumed with anger. I was frustrated as to why we had to watch her endure those horrific treatments if the Lord knew it wouldn’t work. I was angry that we wasted those weeks watching her suffer in vain. The depth of my sorrow was indescribable, but as was promised to me by my mom’s bishop, I had a very strong answer. I was told that we had to watch her go through that so that we would be strong enough to let her go.

Now at the end of all of this it still doesn’t seem real. I feel like my mom’s on a vacation, and when she comes home I can’t wait to tell her what we all have gone though and how hard it was and how I’m so happy to have her home.

 Thank you mom. For loving me, for adoring my children, for supporting my husband, and for being my best friend.

Love, Liza

From the time I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to be was a mother. In college they didn’t have a degree in motherhood, so I choose the closest thing I could find and graduated in Human Development and Family Studies. When I was little, I thought my mom was the greatest thing in the whole world. We rarely fought or disagreed. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Luckily my dream came true and I am now a mother to five beautiful children. Sometimes I am not sure why I thought motherhood would be so glorious, but most of the time it is pretty wonderful.

My mom was the most amazing mother. She was always there for us. I remember running in the door from school and yelling "hi mom" usually to turn around and run back outside to play. I just had to hear her voice yell "hi" back, it was so comforting, knowing she was there. One of my earlier memories was a time when she took me to a daycare for a day. I remember very vividly sitting on the deck of the home with my head and legs between the spindles and crying for 6 hours straight because my mom had left me. When she came to pick me up we were both so traumatized that I never went back. In kindergarden my sister Amanda was born. I remember sitting on my teachers lap crying because I wanted my mom and missed her while she was at the hospital. Another time she came to my rescue, I was in 4^th grade (yes I know a little to old for this behavior, but nontheless it happened) I walked into class the 1^st day of school and heaven forbid I had a boy teacher. I cried until my mom came to get me. That was my first and last day in his class. Apparently I had some seperation issues. My mom was always there for me, I could always count on her to rescue me when I was sad.

Mom always cheered for us in any activity we tried. Ballet, soccer, track and field, basketball, golf, you name it, she let us try it. She encouraged us to try new hobbies and sports to see what we enjoyed. I am sure it was not always pretty to watch, but she was always encouraged us anyway. Amanda once told her soccer coach how much she loved her new soccer "costume", meaning uniform. One of the lessons my mom would always reinforce was teaching me to be nice and learn to love everyone not matter their life story. She would always say, "Liza, no matter what, If you are nice to everyone, then no one can say anything bad about you, and you would have lots of friends, And you know we all need friends." She was a great 2^nd mom to all of my friends growing up. Our house was quite often the gathering spot. Mom would always have gummy bears and people magazine, and Davids favorite, Cheetos. When my husband David called to ask me out on a date for the first time, he left a message with my mom. I was very shy and too afraid to call him back. He called a 2^nd time and mom answered again. This time she said, "I cant believe she did not call you back, If she doesnt call you back this time then I will call you back myself." I finally listened to her despite my embarrassment and finally called him back. Thanks to my mom married a wonderful guy.

I watched my mom complete her checklist of daily tasks. She would taught me lessons about life skills. She loved to sew and was always hemming pants. Ironing was another favorite chore. When she was in the hospital, I asked her one thing she really missed and she said ironing and laundry. Both for sure are skills that I did not inherit! You could barely take off an item of clothing before it was in the laundry being washed. Up until the last week of her life, mom did laundry and ironed. One morning a few days ago I went over there and she was in the laundry room crying. I said "mom, what’s wrong?" she replied, "this is probably the last time I will get to iron dads pants." I have mentioned that this is not something I would be crying about, but we along with my dad cried over laundry that morning.

When we were younger, mom loved to bake. There were few days that we ran in the door from school where there were not cookies on the counter. She taught me to clean up as I cooked. It was so much easier to start with a clean kitchen and clean as you went. Then when you were done, there was little mess left. Mom loved a clean house with no clutter. I am pretty sure she made at least one trip a month to the DI. Her house was always clean, even in her last days she was adjusting lampshades and dusting the furniture. I think we all have a little OCD in us from mom.

Birthdays and holidays were always a big deal to my mom. We celebrated everything with a party. She had a birthday song that she made up and on the morning of your birthday. You were greeted with her serenading you. Family vacations were also something my mom really enjoyed. I can’t even count the number of times mom and Pat England piled all of us kids in the back of the suburban, no seatbelts, just lots of pillows and blankets as we headed to St. George. Yellowstone, Tetons, Jackson Hole, SunValley, Midway the beach and in the last few years Disneyland were some of her favorite spots. We all took a trip to Disneyland this past November where my mom rode Splash Mountain and Space Mountain with her grandkids.

Mom was our greatest cheerleader as well as our biggest critic. She always pushed us to be better and stronger that we thought we were. When I began college at the U, she encouraged me step a little outside of my comfort zone, and into the real world by joining a sorority. She told me that I needed to see how many wonderful people there are in the world. I was surrounded by people of all faiths and backgrounds. She would always say, "you are stronger than you think you are." Through this experience, mom taught me that no matter someone’s background, the world was full of individuals worth getting to know.

Mom would listen to our problems, give us guidance, and help us along the way. She would always say "life’s not fair, and I wish I could tell you this is going to be the hardest thing you will go through, but its probably not." Mom was our biggest support when it came to helping us be better mothers. She loved her grandchildren and they loved her. When my little boy Oliver was 21 month old he spent 18 days at Primay Childrens Hospital battling pneumonia. My mom and dad were there every single day. They held my hand as and helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. My mom and Ollie always had a special bond after that. Just a few days ago I went into my moms room and told her that Oliver had broken his arm. He is a little accident prone, I told her that she needed to watch over him while she was in heaven. It had been several days since she had spoken, but as I held her hand, I cried and told her of my concerns, she squeezed my hand and a tear streamed down her face. I know that she is going to be watching over and protecting her 14 grandchildren each and every day.

Mom entered the hospital on January 2^nd. Each day we had with her this year was a gift. We got to talk, laugh and cry together. We were able to serve her. She taught important life lessons until the day she died. She told me many times that she was not afraid of death. She had a firm testimony of the plan of salvation. She knew that we would be together again. One of our last family gatherings mom told us that she had a very vivid dream. In her dream she could see very clearly that we would all be together again. She told us that she loved each one of us and, that in life all that matters is family. Family is what our life here on earth is all about. My mom’s legacy was her family, her children and grandchildren.

All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe to my mother. She taught me how to be strong, independent, kind and caring. Most importantly she taught me how to be a wife and a mother. She taught me to love the gospel and enjoy family. She is and was my greatest teacher and I hope that each day I can make her more proud of me than the day before. I love you mom.

Love, Jenn

My mother was born on March 1, 1947.  She was the only daughter of Thomas and Blanche Valle.  She had one brother named Tommy and he was 5 years older than her. She always told me that he took such good care of her even though she was the annoying little sister to him.

Tom told me that he and my mom took turns washing the dishes every night after dinner.  Even though it would have done faster if they worked together, he didn’t want to get caught washing dishes with his little sister.  When my mom was very young, she, Tom and her parents would go on family bicycle rides down Immigration canyon.  My grandmother would drive them up in their truck, then mom would sit on a seat on the back of her dad’s bike and Tom would follow them on his bike as they rode down the canyon.

My mother loved her grandparents.  Growing up, she had dinner with them almost every Sunday.  Her grandparents were very proper.   Her grandfather would eat dinner in a coat and tie. 

My grandmother was a talented seamstress.  She made all of mom’s clothes.  Mom always looked like a little doll with starched white shirts, and dresses with hand embroidered piping.    Mom took after her mother in that regard.  She often had a sewing project while growing up.  Before she died she told my daughter Alex that she was sorry she wouldn’t be able to hem her pants anymore.  She was always thinking of others in that way.

Mom was also really close with her cousins growing up.  She told me that because she didn’t have any sisters, it was especially exciting for her to play with them. Her uncle AZ and his wife-my aunt Verla has 6 children and 5 of them were girls. My mom kept in close contact with her cousins throughout her life.  They had an annual cousin’s party that she always enjoyed attending.  Mom’s mother died of breast cancer when she was 21.  She missed her every day of her life.

My mother was raised to appreciate family, but also friendships.  Her parents always maintained close friendships. Every summer when she was young, her family took a vacation to Yellowstone with another family.  They would rent a little cabin in the park.  They also took up their own bedding, dishes, food etc.  One summer the family they were going with was driving ahead of them .  They had packed strapped some of their luggage to the top of their car.  As they entered Yellowstone, suddenly a great big bear ran into the road and climbed on their friend’s car right in front of them.  As you can imagine, that left a lifelong impression on mom.

Mom graduated from Highland High school.  While in high school, she sustained a serious ankle injury. This occurred while she was attending a young men/women activity as a teen.  They were up at Brighton, tubing down the mountain.  Someone on the tube came down the hill and hit my mom.  It was so hard it caused her to have a compound fracture.  It was a horrible injury.  She had to ride all the way down the canyon in agony.  When she finally made it to the hospital, the doctors put on a full leg cast for months.  This ankle injury plagued her during her entire life.  About 10 years ago, she had a complete ankle replacement.  Then a year ago, she had a fusion.

After college, mom attended the U of Utah where she was in the Alpha Kappa Theta sorority.  She maintained lifelong friends with her sorority sisters.  She graduated with a degree in elementary education.  While in college, she and my dad met.  He happened to be dating one of her sorority sisters at the time.  Eventually they ended up going out and things clicked.  Mom described my dad as the most beautiful specimen of a man and the “brad pit” of our time.  My parents married on Friday December 13, 1968 in the Salt Lake Temple. After they got married, mom got a job teaching 2^ndgrade.  She taught at a Title One school.  This was a school located in a poor part of town.  Mom used to tell us about how often kids would get lice.  This was something that she had never been around.  She also came home many days asking my dad what certain phrases the kids were using meant.  My dad joined the army while finishing graduate school.  He was an officer.  He and mom moved to Georgia.  Mom told us that their time in Georgia on the army base was one of the best times of their life.  It was there that they took up golfing together.  They would go out with different couples and that is when they really developed a love of sports.

Just before mom and dad left Georgia, she found out she was pregnant with me.  She and dad moved home, bought the house that we grew up in on County Manor Road.  Then she had Matt, Liza and finally Amanda.  Mom was a homemaker, but  she also did collections for Redman Van& Storage, dads company for 20 years.  She also maintained many church callings throughout her life.

Her greatest role in life was becoming a grandma.  She was able to attend the birth of every one of her grandchildren.  She loved being a grandma.  It was all she really ever wanted to do.

The past few months with mom were some of the greatest of my life.  Even though she was going through a horrible time, it was such a blessing to be able to serve her and give something back.  I am so grateful that I was able to serve her and enjoy that precious time.  Mom felt like she lived a great life.  She and dad were able to travel all over.  They had great friends.  They loved their home in Monte Luca.  She had a strong testimony of the gospel, and felt blessed to have the knowledge of eternal families. 

One of the last things mom did before she died was gather our family together one evening.  She bore her testimony to all of us.  She told us that she wasn’t afraid to die.  She knew where she was going and she knew that we would be with her together again someday.

I love you mom.

 

To the Beginning of a new end

It has been four weeks since our last post.  These four weeks have been more difficult than any of us could have possible imagined.  We left the hospital knowing the end was soon.  My mom was given a time frame of a few days, maybe a few short weeks.  She made it four weeks.

These weeks were a time of love, service and sacrifice.  We each had the amazing opportunity to serve our mom, to give a little of our time to help her.  My dad was amazing.  Never was there a more amazing example of true love as my dad.  He never left my moms side during this entire journey.

We spent the weeks crying, laughing and talking together.  She held her grandchildren, sang them songs and read them stories.  She organized drawers, ironed, did laundry and ate her favorite foods.  She remained fiercely independent until the last week of her life.  We were there every step of the way, listening to little life lessons.  Things she wanted us to accomplish, expectaions for our future and the reasons we made her proud.

My mom was an amazing woman.  She prepared us for life.  She was never afraid of death. She had a unbelievable testimony of the plan of salvation.  She was excited to see her mom and dad again.  She loved life, her family and the gospel.  And in the end that is all we take with us. 

Now we are left with aching hearts that are constantly being healed one piece at a time by acts of service from each one of you.  Every day a kind note, text or email.  A fresh meal. Some baked goods.  A hug.  Each small and simple act, healing a little bit of our hearts.  I don't think that words can adequately express our appreciation to each of you.  Just know that we love you.

Irene's journey was quite unexpected.  On January 2th 2014 she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.  On March 7th 2014 she returned to her heavenly father.  Our lives will never be the same, we will forever have a piece of our heart missing.  Until we meet again, we will always think of you with each sunset, football game and family dinner. 

The game of life

Life is a game of sorts. In my moms game, she has played with all her heart.  She has had so many cheerleaders that cheered along the way.  She has had tremendous coaches to give her the plays necessary to play the game.  Her fans have been here cheering for their favorite team.  But…with heavy hearts, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

The results of the biopsy are in and the cancer is winning.

With this news, we are going home, getting some rest, watching the sunset and leaving the rest of this game of life in the hands of the Lord.

No one ever knows how the game of life will turn out, I guess all we can do is play the best we can and see what happens.  My mom is a fighter, she has fought this horrible disease with dignity, grace and determination.  She has played the best game of her life.

Love,

Liza, Amanda, Jennifer and Matt

Hope for a better tomorrow

As I sit here next to my mom, I watch her drift in and out of consciousness. She is receiving bags of blood and platelets.  She looks so peaceful, the feeling in her room is so peaceful. She is so tired, so weak, so frail. Everything is a huge effort. Everything is exhausting.

We are still waiting for results from the bone marrow biopsy she had done yesterday.  For now we continue to watch and wait. We are watching for her gall bladder, kidneys and liver to start working properly, and for her bone marrow to start producing good white blood cells. We are waiting for miracles to come, the miracle that her body will do what we want it to, for her to start feeling better.

We are on about day 33 of this journey.  It seems like forever ago when the blue Christmas tree adorned these halls. Now we look at the numerous cards that fill the walls of her room. Those cards are special, they bring hope and joy to my mom.  When mom first got here she was sick. When they started the chemo we knew she would be even more sick. But, even knowing that, I don't think that we were prepared for this horrific journey. Mom has really been through the ringer. Her belly is black and blue from all of the shots of various medications. Her mouth is so dry and full of sores.  Her feet are swollen and covered in rashes. Her head is bald. Her skin is so thin it is painful to touch. You name the side effect, it seems as if mom has had it. It's pretty heart wrenching to see someone you love in so much pain. Even with all of that, my mom is still here, she is still fighting and she is always so gracious when we come to visit.

Each time I come, I send my dad home to rest.  Before he leaves my mom and dad share a very tender moment. I have noticed it each and every time. This moment where they say goodby for the night with a sweet kiss and a look that I am sure means hope for a better tomorrow.  This is a memory I will cherish forever.
Liza