Life is a game of sorts. In my moms game, she has played with all her heart. She has had so many cheerleaders that cheered along the way. She has had tremendous coaches to give her the plays necessary to play the game. Her fans have been here cheering for their favorite team. But…with heavy hearts, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
The results of the biopsy are in and the cancer is winning.
With this news, we are going home, getting some rest, watching the sunset and leaving the rest of this game of life in the hands of the Lord.
No one ever knows how the game of life will turn out, I guess all we can do is play the best we can and see what happens. My mom is a fighter, she has fought this horrible disease with dignity, grace and determination. She has played the best game of her life.
Love,
Liza, Amanda, Jennifer and Matt
Friday, February 7, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Hope for a better tomorrow
As I sit here next to my mom, I watch her drift in and out of consciousness. She is receiving bags of blood and platelets. She looks so peaceful, the feeling in her room is so peaceful. She is so tired, so weak, so frail. Everything is a huge effort. Everything is exhausting.
We are still waiting for results from the bone marrow biopsy she had done yesterday. For now we continue to watch and wait. We are watching for her gall bladder, kidneys and liver to start working properly, and for her bone marrow to start producing good white blood cells. We are waiting for miracles to come, the miracle that her body will do what we want it to, for her to start feeling better.
We are on about day 33 of this journey. It seems like forever ago when the blue Christmas tree adorned these halls. Now we look at the numerous cards that fill the walls of her room. Those cards are special, they bring hope and joy to my mom. When mom first got here she was sick. When they started the chemo we knew she would be even more sick. But, even knowing that, I don't think that we were prepared for this horrific journey. Mom has really been through the ringer. Her belly is black and blue from all of the shots of various medications. Her mouth is so dry and full of sores. Her feet are swollen and covered in rashes. Her head is bald. Her skin is so thin it is painful to touch. You name the side effect, it seems as if mom has had it. It's pretty heart wrenching to see someone you love in so much pain. Even with all of that, my mom is still here, she is still fighting and she is always so gracious when we come to visit.
Each time I come, I send my dad home to rest. Before he leaves my mom and dad share a very tender moment. I have noticed it each and every time. This moment where they say goodby for the night with a sweet kiss and a look that I am sure means hope for a better tomorrow. This is a memory I will cherish forever.
Liza
We are still waiting for results from the bone marrow biopsy she had done yesterday. For now we continue to watch and wait. We are watching for her gall bladder, kidneys and liver to start working properly, and for her bone marrow to start producing good white blood cells. We are waiting for miracles to come, the miracle that her body will do what we want it to, for her to start feeling better.
We are on about day 33 of this journey. It seems like forever ago when the blue Christmas tree adorned these halls. Now we look at the numerous cards that fill the walls of her room. Those cards are special, they bring hope and joy to my mom. When mom first got here she was sick. When they started the chemo we knew she would be even more sick. But, even knowing that, I don't think that we were prepared for this horrific journey. Mom has really been through the ringer. Her belly is black and blue from all of the shots of various medications. Her mouth is so dry and full of sores. Her feet are swollen and covered in rashes. Her head is bald. Her skin is so thin it is painful to touch. You name the side effect, it seems as if mom has had it. It's pretty heart wrenching to see someone you love in so much pain. Even with all of that, my mom is still here, she is still fighting and she is always so gracious when we come to visit.
Each time I come, I send my dad home to rest. Before he leaves my mom and dad share a very tender moment. I have noticed it each and every time. This moment where they say goodby for the night with a sweet kiss and a look that I am sure means hope for a better tomorrow. This is a memory I will cherish forever.
Liza
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Faith
Today my mom had her bone marrow biopsy. We don't have any news yet but are anxiously awaiting. I am my moms youngest daughter. She is my confidant, my best friend, my cheerleader, the spoiler of my children, the person I call when times are hard, happy, frustrating.. you name it and my mom is there. To say this has been hard to witness is an understatement. I found this quote the other night and no truer words were ever written,
"While there are many things you can do to help a loved one in need, there are some things that must be done by the Lord.” –Richard G. Scott
I have often asked my husband throughout this month why when we know God is in charge, that His plan is the best, and that He loves us, do I fight it so hard? But no matter how much I care for my mom and worry and help her it all comes down to the Lord and His plan. I have come to believe and have faith that He is completely in charge of my mom. I find great peace in this knowledge, even though the fear is still hiding there too. I love what my moms cousin Virginia wrote...
EXPECT A MIRACLE
and that is exactly what I will do.
Love,
Amanda
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Music
I wanted to share a special note on moms behalf. Before mom got sick she served in the primary in her ward. She absolutely loved that calling. She loved seeing the kids every week, and she especially loved the music they sang. The sweet chorister in her ward, Jennifer, made a CD for mom this week. It contains several songs from her primary kids. I was able to take a CD player up to her tonight, and when the music started playing mom had tears in her eyes. Those sweet voices brought a light to her eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. We both commented on how much the kids sounded like little angels. I am so grateful to Jennifer for taking the time to think of mom. What a special way to bring her closer to the children she loved to serve.
Love, Jenn
Love, Jenn
Prayers
I wanted to make moms friends and family aware that we are having a fast for her tomorrow. She has another bone marrow biopsy this week, and we are fasting and praying for her to receive good results. Please think of mom as you have your own fast tomorrow. She needs all the prayers she can get. Our family is so appreciative of all the love and support mom has received over these past few weeks.
Wow! Time goes so fast. Mom has been in the hospital for a month now. While life has gone on for all of us, mom has been stuck in the hospital fighting for her life. I find myself thinking about her often as I go about my daily routine. I went to Sams Club yesterday and thought about how much mom likes shopping there. When something exciting happens with my kids I find myself reaching for the phone to call mom. Over these past few weeks, I have realized how important mom is to all of us. She is such an important part of all our lives. We NEED her to get well.
After we found out about her cancer, I talked with several other people I know who have fought the disease themselves. I have heard many things about how hard chemo is. The nausea, the rashes, the pain. When you hear about it, you feel bad, but you don't really understand until you have been there. I can honestly say that I had NO IDEA how horrible cancer can be. My mom has an extremely difficult case. She has had kidney problems, liver problems, gall bladder problems, eye problems, swelling, rashes, pain, fatigue, etc., etc. Many people have no idea how sick she really is. That is one of main reasons she hasn't wanted visitors in the hospital. She has no strength to talk, and she just feels horrible. It has been agonizing to watch her endure so much. This disease has truly brought her to the depths of hell and back. And yet, she has fought it with dignity, strength, and courage. I am in awe of my mother. I told her the other night that I thought she was brave. She is so brave...I cherish our visits, and have learned so much about her during this time.
When my sisters and I each leave the hospital from our visits, we call each other to report on her status. We worry so much both mom and dad. These conversations are good for all of us. Mom has always told us how lucky we are to have each other. She was right! As horrible as this time has been for us, we have learned how to lean on each other, take care of each other, and make each other feel better when times are especially tough. Thank goodness for family. That has always been moms dream.
As we begin a new month, my hope for mom is that she can begin to get her strength back, have good results from the bone marrow biopsy, and most importantly, get out of that hospital and come home. Before I left tonight, I told her that as soon as she gets home, she is getting pedicure. She deserves it!
Wow! Time goes so fast. Mom has been in the hospital for a month now. While life has gone on for all of us, mom has been stuck in the hospital fighting for her life. I find myself thinking about her often as I go about my daily routine. I went to Sams Club yesterday and thought about how much mom likes shopping there. When something exciting happens with my kids I find myself reaching for the phone to call mom. Over these past few weeks, I have realized how important mom is to all of us. She is such an important part of all our lives. We NEED her to get well.
After we found out about her cancer, I talked with several other people I know who have fought the disease themselves. I have heard many things about how hard chemo is. The nausea, the rashes, the pain. When you hear about it, you feel bad, but you don't really understand until you have been there. I can honestly say that I had NO IDEA how horrible cancer can be. My mom has an extremely difficult case. She has had kidney problems, liver problems, gall bladder problems, eye problems, swelling, rashes, pain, fatigue, etc., etc. Many people have no idea how sick she really is. That is one of main reasons she hasn't wanted visitors in the hospital. She has no strength to talk, and she just feels horrible. It has been agonizing to watch her endure so much. This disease has truly brought her to the depths of hell and back. And yet, she has fought it with dignity, strength, and courage. I am in awe of my mother. I told her the other night that I thought she was brave. She is so brave...I cherish our visits, and have learned so much about her during this time.
When my sisters and I each leave the hospital from our visits, we call each other to report on her status. We worry so much both mom and dad. These conversations are good for all of us. Mom has always told us how lucky we are to have each other. She was right! As horrible as this time has been for us, we have learned how to lean on each other, take care of each other, and make each other feel better when times are especially tough. Thank goodness for family. That has always been moms dream.
As we begin a new month, my hope for mom is that she can begin to get her strength back, have good results from the bone marrow biopsy, and most importantly, get out of that hospital and come home. Before I left tonight, I told her that as soon as she gets home, she is getting pedicure. She deserves it!
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